well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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