): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
