He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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