gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
