I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
