Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
