chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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