Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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