i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
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