Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
