I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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