Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
