chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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