I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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