if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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