i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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