Sry I called you an 8
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
