Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
