Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
