He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
did i walk over a car last night?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
