is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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