He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
