Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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