but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Randomize
