direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize