When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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