Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
