He had one of those small greek statue penises
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
