Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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