somebody snuck up and got me drunk
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
