areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
