Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
