so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
