Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
