I cockslap morals
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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