I'm laying in your front yard are you home
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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