Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
