i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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