Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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