it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
that may or may not have been my penis.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
