i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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