Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
