I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
