Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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