I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
