If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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