yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
