my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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