My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
my liver is dry heaving
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