Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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