The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
