idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
My vagina just recognized that song.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
