I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
