my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
