Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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