but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
