I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
