it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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