At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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