I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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