My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
