The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
