I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I AM VODKA MAN
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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