Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
