Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
