never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
