I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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