Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
