I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
