Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
