Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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