Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
