you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize