Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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